2 Samuel 3 covers the long conflict between the house of Saul and the house of David, the growing strength of David’s family in Hebron, the political negotiations that bring Abner over to David’s side, and the murder of Abner by Joab. These questions are written for a small group, a Sunday class, or personal study, and each set can be used on its own or together with the others.
2 Samuel 3 at a Glance
The chapter opens by describing a prolonged war in which David grows stronger while Saul’s house weakens. Verses 2 through 5 list the sons born to David in Hebron, showing his household expanding while the kingdom is still divided. Then Abner, Saul’s commander, quarrels with Ishbosheth, and this quarrel sets the stage for Abner’s switch of loyalty to David.
The second half of the chapter moves through negotiations, Michal’s return to David, and Abner’s visit to Hebron, followed by his treacherous death at Joab’s hand and David’s public grief and fasting. The chapter closes with David’s lament and the people’s recognition that the king had no part in Abner’s death.
Observation Questions
Use these questions at the start of the session to make sure everyone has read the text carefully before anyone offers an interpretation. Ask the group to point to the verse where each answer appears before discussing it further.
Q: In verses 1 and 6, what is happening between the two houses, and who is gaining strength?
Now there was long war between Saul’s house and David’s house. David grew stronger and stronger, but Saul’s house grew weaker and weaker.
2 Samuel 3:1 (WEB)
While there was war between Saul’s house and David’s house, Abner made himself strong in Saul’s house.
2 Samuel 3:6 (WEB)
Verse 1 names the long war between Saul’s house and David’s house and says David grows stronger while Saul’s house grows weaker. Verse 6 adds that Abner makes himself strong in Saul’s house during this same period. A good discussion point is to ask why the author pauses to say that David’s strength was growing before the chapter moves into the list of sons.
Q: In verses 2 through 5, what does the text tell us about David’s family in Hebron?
2 Sons were born to David in Hebron. His firstborn was Amnon, of Ahinoam the Jezreelitess; 3 and his second, Chileab, of Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite; and the third, Absalom the son of Maacah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur; 4 and the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; and the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital; 5 and the sixth, Ithream, of Eglah, David’s wife. These were born to David in Hebron.
2 Samuel 3:2-5 (WEB)
The text lists six sons born to David in Hebron, each with the name of his mother. Ask the group to notice how the list is built around the mothers, and why that detail might matter in a royal household where alliances and succession were tied to family ties.
Q: In verses 7 and 8, what does Ishbosheth accuse Abner of, and how does Abner respond?
7 Now Saul had a concubine, whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah; and Ishbosheth said to Abner, “Why have you gone in to my father’s concubine?” 8 Then Abner was very angry about Ishbosheth’s words, and said, “Am I a dog’s head that belongs to Judah? Today I show kindness to Saul’s house your father, to his brothers, and to his friends, and have not delivered you into the hand of David; and yet you charge me today with a fault concerning this woman!
2 Samuel 3:7-8 (WEB)
Ishbosheth accuses Abner of going in to Saul’s concubine Rizpah, which in the ancient world could be read as a claim to the throne. Abner responds with fury, reminding Ishbosheth of the loyalty he has shown to Saul’s house. Ask the group to identify the exact words Abner uses to describe his own service.
Q: In verses 27 through 30, how does Joab kill Abner, and what does David say afterward?
27 When Abner was returned to Hebron, Joab took him aside into the middle of the gate to speak with him quietly, and struck him there in the body, so that he died, for the blood of Asahel his brother. 28 Afterward, when David heard it, he said, “I and my kingdom are guiltless before the LORD forever of the blood of Abner the son of Ner. 29 Let it fall on the head of Joab, and on all his father’s house. Let there not fail from the house of Joab one who has an issue, or who is a leper, or who leans on a staff, or who falls by the sword, or who lacks bread.” 30 So Joab and Abishai his brother killed Abner, because he had killed their brother Asahel at Gibeon in the battle.
2 Samuel 3:27-30 (WEB)
Joab takes Abner aside at the gate and strikes him, and the text says he does this to avenge his brother Asahel. David declares himself and his kingdom innocent of Abner’s blood and pronounces a curse on Joab’s house. Ask the group to note exactly who David blames and what he asks God to do.
Interpretation Questions
These questions move from what the text says to what it means. Encourage the group to support their answers with specific verses rather than general impressions of the characters.
Q: In verses 12 and 13, why does David insist on the return of Michal before he will meet with Abner?
12 Abner sent messengers to David on his behalf, saying, “Whose is the land?” and saying, “Make your alliance with me, and behold, my hand will be with you, to bring all Israel around to you.” 13 He said, “Good. I will make a treaty with you, but one thing I require of you. That is, you will not see my face unless you first bring Michal, Saul’s daughter, when you come to see my face.”
2 Samuel 3:12-13 (WEB)
David’s demand for Michal, Saul’s daughter, served to strengthen his legal claim to Saul’s kingdom, since she had been his wife. The chapter presents the request as a condition of the treaty rather than an emotional appeal. Ask the group what this tells us about how political marriages and legitimacy worked in David’s world.
Q: In verses 16 through 19, what role does Abner play in persuading the elders and the tribe of Benjamin to support David?
16 Her husband went with her, weeping as he went, and followed her to Bahurim. Then Abner said to him, “Go! Return!” and he returned. 17 Abner had communication with the elders of Israel, saying, “In times past, you sought for David to be king over you. 18 Now then do it; for the LORD has spoken of David, saying, ‘By the hand of my servant David, I will save my people Israel out of the hand of the Philistines, and out of the hand of all their enemies.’” 19 Abner also spoke in the ears of Benjamin: and Abner went also to speak in the ears of David in Hebron all that seemed good to Israel, and to the whole house of Benjamin.
2 Samuel 3:16-19 (WEB)
Abner reminds the elders that they once wanted David as king and then cites the Lord’s promise that David would save Israel from the Philistines. He then speaks to Benjamin, Saul’s own tribe, in the same way. Ask the group to consider how Abner frames his change of allegiance as obedience to what the Lord has already spoken.
Q: In verses 22 through 25, why does Joab object to Abner’s visit, and what does he claim about Abner’s motives?
22 Behold, David’s servants and Joab came from a raid, and brought in a great plunder with them; but Abner was not with David in Hebron; for he had sent him away, and he had gone in peace. 23 When Joab and all the army who was with him had come, they told Joab, “Abner the son of Ner came to the king, and he has sent him away, and he has gone in peace.” 24 Then Joab came to the king, and said, “What have you done? Behold, Abner came to you. Why is it that you have sent him away, and he is already gone? 25 You know Abner the son of Ner. He came to deceive you, and to know your going out and your coming in, and to know all that you do.”
2 Samuel 3:22-25 (WEB)
Joab accuses Abner of coming to deceive the king and to learn his movements. The accusation may reveal Joab’s own rivalry and his suspicion of anyone who might displace him. Ask the group to weigh whether Joab’s concern is honest, self-interested, or both, and what evidence in the passage supports each view.
Q: In verses 33 and 34, what does David’s lament reveal about how he regards Abner’s death?
33 The king lamented for Abner, and said, “Should Abner die as a fool dies? 34 Your hands weren’t bound, and your feet weren’t put into fetters. As a man falls before the children of iniquity, so you fell.” All the people wept again over him.
2 Samuel 3:33-34 (WEB)
David asks whether Abner should die as a fool dies, emphasizing that Abner was not bound or captured but fell like a man before wicked men. The lament treats Abner as a person of dignity who did not deserve such a death. Ask the group what words in the lament show David’s personal grief as well as his public statement.
Application Questions
These questions turn the chapter toward daily life. Let the group share honestly, and avoid rushing to a tidy conclusion about how every believer should respond to conflict or loyalty.
Q: In verses 8 and 9, Abner is angry at being falsely accused. When have you felt unjustly suspected, and how did you respond?
8 Then Abner was very angry about Ishbosheth’s words, and said, “Am I a dog’s head that belongs to Judah? Today I show kindness to Saul’s house your father, to his brothers, and to his friends, and have not delivered you into the hand of David; and yet you charge me today with a fault concerning this woman! 9 God do so to Abner, and more also, if, as the LORD has sworn to David, I don’t do even so to him…
2 Samuel 3:8-9 (WEB)
Abner’s anger is strong and quick, and he calls on God to judge him if his words are false. Invite group members to reflect on times they were wrongly accused and whether they answered with calm truth or with heat. Encourage the group to consider how to speak honestly about hurt without letting anger take over the conversation.
Q: In verses 17 and 18, Abner appeals to God’s promise to David. What promises of God do you lean on when you must make a difficult decision?
17 Abner had communication with the elders of Israel, saying, “In times past, you sought for David to be king over you. 18 Now then do it; for the LORD has spoken of David, saying, ‘By the hand of my servant David, I will save my people Israel out of the hand of the Philistines, and out of the hand of all their enemies.’”
2 Samuel 3:17-18 (WEB)
Abner uses a word God spoke through the prophets to persuade others to act. Ask group members to name a specific promise of God that has guided a decision in their life. Discuss how to test a decision against Scripture without treating every circumstance as a direct instruction.
Q: In verses 31 through 35, David mourns publicly and refuses food. How do you show grief for someone you did not agree with?
31 David said to Joab, and to all the people who were with him, “Tear your clothes, and clothe yourselves with sackcloth, and mourn in front of Abner.” King David followed the bier. 32 They buried Abner in Hebron; and the king lifted up his voice, and wept at Abner’s grave; and all the people wept. 33 The king lamented for Abner, and said, “Should Abner die as a fool dies? 34 Your hands weren’t bound, and your feet weren’t put into fetters. As a man falls before the children of iniquity, so you fell.” All the people wept again over him. 35 All the people came to urge David to eat bread while it was yet day; but David swore, saying, “God do so to me, and more also, if I taste bread, or anything else, until the sun goes down.”
2 Samuel 3:31-35 (WEB)
David leads the people in mourning, weeping at the grave and refusing to eat until sundown. Ask the group how they might honor a person’s dignity and loss even when that person’s choices were wrong. The discussion can address how to grieve well without excusing harm done.
Q: In verses 38 and 39, David admits his weakness and blames the sons of Zeruiah. Where do you find it hard to take responsibility for your own limits?
38 The king said to his servants, “Don’t you know that there a prince and a great man has fallen today in Israel? 39 I am weak today, though anointed king. These men, the sons of Zeruiah are too hard for me. May the LORD reward the evildoer according to his wickedness.”
2 Samuel 3:38-39 (WEB)
David confesses that he feels weak as king and that Joab is too hard for him. The chapter does not hide his limitations, even as it shows him seeking to clear his own name before God. Invite group members to share a situation where admitting weakness opened the door to help or to honesty.
Key Verses to Read Aloud
2 Samuel 3:18
Now then do it; for the LORD has spoken of David, saying, ‘By the hand of my servant David, I will save my people Israel out of the hand of the Philistines, and out of the hand of all their enemies.’”
(WEB)
Abner’s appeal to the Lord’s promise to David is the turning point in the negotiations. Reading it aloud lets the group hear the theological claim that drives the story forward.
2 Samuel 3:28-29
28 Afterward, when David heard it, he said, “I and my kingdom are guiltless before the LORD forever of the blood of Abner the son of Ner. 29 Let it fall on the head of Joab, and on all his father’s house. Let there not fail from the house of Joab one who has an issue, or who is a leper, or who leans on a staff, or who falls by the sword, or who lacks bread.”
(WEB)
David’s declaration of innocence and his curse on Joab’s house are central to the chapter’s moral argument. Reading these verses aloud invites discussion of justice and responsibility.
Memory Verse for 2 Samuel 3
A Closing Prayer for the Group
Father, we come to you having read about a divided kingdom, about loyalties that shifted, and about a death that grieved a king. Teach us to be honest about our own anger and to answer falsehood with truth rather than revenge. Help us to remember your promises when decisions are hard, and give us grace to admit our weakness before you. Where we have been wronged, give us humility, and where we have wronged others, give us courage to seek reconciliation. Keep us faithful in the places where you have placed us. Amen.
